By day, I am a systems analyst, cranking out code and doing other miscellaneous tasks we systems analysts do. For the most part, I deal with databases, writing queries that feed reports or display data on pages on the company intranet, which I also end up cranking out the code for, so I do some web stuff as well. And by night, I am just a girl who likes to bake and write about it. Sometimes at work I’ll be thinking about my blog, the recipes I want to try, and I itch to go home and bake and then write about it. The inspiration for this post hit me today at work when I was thinking about how my latest work project was such a success with the users who requested them. The users loved what I did — it even earned me a bunch of pats in the back and a mention to the CEO, and of course, I had to share the glory with my boss (if it weren’t for him, who gave me the project in the first place, I wouldn’t be here right now, basking in the glow of my minor but still sweet achievement) — but I’m so bogged down in the code and the debugging that I fail to appreciate the final result of my labor and can almost never appreciate it as much as the users, who don’t see what goes on behind the scenes. I think that’s what happens when I bake and taste the results. It’s good, but it’s only really good when I’ve had maybe 24 hours of being away from the process of the baking and immediate taste-testing. I suppose for me, it’s that “Wizard of Oz” effect — you’re in awe until you see the little wizard behind the curtain, making it all happen and you actually understand what the wizard does. Fortunately for me, I like being the wizard. But sometimes, I like being on the other side of the curtain, not knowing what makes it all so magical. Sometimes you appreciate things more when you’re not behind the scenes. Just a thought. And it’s kind of what happened with the carrot cake cupcakes from the previous post. My tasters loved them and were totally raving about them, but it wasn’t until I had one a good 24 hours after making them that I saw what they were talking about.
I said in my previous post that my heart wasn’t as into the baking as I normally am, but I think today was good for my spirits. If today was to have a theme song, it would be You Can’t Always Get What You Want by the Rolling Stones. In fact, if you wanna get cheesy, and I do, a second theme song would be, My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion, from yes, that tear-jerker of a movie, Titanic. Because it will go on, because I need it to pursue this hobby of mine, because I believe it can lead to even better things that even I haven’t begun to imagine — maybe. Without it I don’t think I could continue to do what I’m doing here — as I said, this is about more than just food and cooking. I’m seeing new opportunities in the horizon for potential projects — in December I plan to take my cookies and sell a few at a craft fair in Philadelphia (if all goes well), details of which are to be determined. I also have a project looming closer, upon the request of a friend, the details of which will be disclosed later, as we don’t want to jinx anybody — and no, it’s not for an engagement, it’s not for a wedding, nor is it for a potential baby. I should also mention that Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing was a prevalent song running through my mind today.
There isn’t any baking going on tonight, since I’m too tired, and would love a chance to just relax and read other people’s food blogs and draw some inspiration. There will be a lot of cooking and baking this weekend, however, as my friend G and I (as in me, myself and I) are going to be hosting a brunch for our friends, with himself and myself doing all the cooking and baking. There will probably be a post about that.
Sometimes, you want something so badly you can’t see the forest for the trees — your focus is so stuck on a specific problem, the what’s going to happen, the what’s not going to happen, and you fail to see the whole picture. And then you start to let go, because you were watching Grey’s Anatomy last night on your DVR and something in Meredith Grey’s voice-over at the end of the episode struck a chord within you when she said, “The best cure for paranoia is just to be…here.” And that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to be just. right. here.
Hey, you take it where you can get it.