Burning Low, But Not Burning Out

Tonight, I don’t want to talk about food. Ever since RBRF and the Bake-a-palooza that preceded the event, I have slowly been burning lower (but not burning out). Baking was my beacon guiding me to the shores of sanity, but since baking in large quantities last week, it has become an ingredient in the melting pot of stress. It’s kind of strange because within that stress I still found some comfort, but only in shreds.

And then following the Bake-a-palooza came the cookie baking frenzy which does not end this weekend, unfortunately. I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t really want to, but I think I am just tired. And I know my friends will appreciate what I send them. And I did feel good once I finished and saw my vanilla butter cookies shaped like Christmas trees decorated in varying styles (some with chocolate chips, some with melted chocolate designs).

But I. Am. Tired.

I haven’t lost the interest in baking, I think I just need to find my ground again. And then bake what I want to bake.

I didn’t originally want this blog to be about just food and baking, but somehow it became that way.  And then I contemplated making another blog just for my other thoughts.  But that’s too many blogs to maintain.  So I’m going to throw this post in here, hopefully one of the many to come posts that aren’t necessarily about food or recipes.  I don’t want to be one-note.  I called my blog “A Pinch of This, A Dash of That” for the purpose of still alluding to food while not necessarily defining what “This” or “That” would be.

I was going through my old LiveJournal last night, and while I now cringe at the thought of sharing all the details of my life on the internet (no one’s really that interested in the minutiae of the day-to-day unless it were their own minutiae and their own day-to-day), I still feel like typing my thoughts out on the screen once and again.

I’ve been thinking lately that this year’s been a good year.  The best year in a long time for me.  I did not quite get what I set out to have at the beginning of this year, but things worked out in such a way that I got something more important.  You don’t really always get what you want in life, but it’s almost always a guarantee that you will get what you need — whether you’re aware of it or not.

Sometimes, when your heart tells you yes and every fiber of your being tells you yes, you’re convinced that there has got to be no other answer but yes.  And then you find out that the answer is actually No.  You get angry, you get sad, you go into denial until you’re just exhausted.  And then you’re too tired to resist.  And it’s when you’re too tired to resist that you begin to start growing.  You have no choice because in life, you can’t stop dancing to the music just because you don’t like the song that happens to be playing right now.  You just find a way to dance to the song.  And then eventually, a song that you like will come on.  Or you might even start to like the song you’re currently dancing to.  (Yeah, I don’t know how I have such a knack for metaphors.  It actually amuses me and even I am surprised sometimes at what I end up comparing life to.  But it usually works.  Life can be compared to almost anything.)

I am grateful for everything I’ve received this year, tangible and intangible.  I very much look forward to my time off from work and the 11 days I will be spending at home on the familial homestead with my family, where I will regress and be a part of something bigger than just me, myself, and I.

What else…Oh, I’ve started reading again.  Currently I’m reading Corner Shop by Roopa Farooki.  I was lent Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer, and I will get around to reading it.  Just, I suddenly don’t want to read about eating.  I’m sure the fire of my enthusiasm for baking will once again burn brightly, since I am still very fascinated by food and its making, and the science behind all things cooking or baking — I call it kitchen nerdery.  I’m still actually cooking a lot, I just don’t feel like writing about it lately.

Will post some pictures later of my holiday cookies and yes, the cupcakes from RBRF.  Tonight, I just wanted to write about something else.

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